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It’s Just Me, Lord!

For years I have felt the call to serve God in the way that He would have me serve. For a long time I thought that meant I was only to do one thing and if I couldn’t do that then I shouldn’t do anything. Recently, I realized that I was made for so much more and that more abundantly.

In my church we had many areas of service. Although we were not a big organization, there was plenty that needed to be done. We had a band, a nursery, a dining room and kitchen during convention time, the building needed to be cleaned, ushers were needed, and on and on. I remember being a child and couldn’t wait until I was old enough to serve in the nursery, then I couldn’t wait until I could serve in the dining room, then the band, and then lead worship. I was always looking for the next great thing, not being content in my present circumstances.

I very fondly remember a very elderly man in our church that would stick around after each and every service to clean up the sanctuary. He would walk each aisle and between each pew picking up the smallest pieces of trash and be so happy while doing it. I didn’t think picking up tiny pieces of paper that fell off the spiral of a notebook is a very glamorous job in the kingdom, but this smiling little old man was there every service joyfully serving God.

Fast forward many years! I have been to hell and back in my spiritual walk. There were times during my journey that I didn’t want to even think about serving. Then, there were times that I thought the only job God had intended for me would never be again. Not too long ago I heard a sermon on service in the church and I realized that my life in service just as with anything in life has seasons and I felt a renewing in my longing to serve God and to tell of His goodness.

So, here it goes! As I attended a women’s conference this weekend I feel that I received a clear command of my next season. First, a little more background.

I already told you that I grew up in church, what I didn’t tell you is that once the music stopped I pretty much checked out. When I listened to people talk it seemed like they were speaking a foreign language and I just couldn’t understand the concepts that they were trying to get across. I still have that problem most of the time! But, when the music played it’s like God was speaking right to my heart and I could understand things that had been told to me time and time again. That remains the same!

During my journey there have been rough days. My spiritual walk didn’t always look so spiritual. At one point I even wondered if God was real or just this big story I had been told my whole life. Right before I journeyed to the pit of hell, God gave me an experience that I will never forget. As I attended a Michael W. Smith concert I was transported to a heavenly place where I was in the midst of the Savior just me, by myself. I had His attention and didn’t have to share with anyone. The song that was being performed at the time was “Draw Me Close to You”. God was preparing me for a rough time and I didn’t even see it. For about 18 months I walked pretty close to God. I went to bed singing and I woke up singing. I sang throughout the day and felt so good. At the end of that time my 12 year old son was injured by a vaccine and was paralyzed from the waist down. We spent about 3 weeks in the hospital until he was able to come home and continue therapy to get back on his feet. I was staying at the hospital with him and one morning I woke up and didn’t have a song. I couldn’t feel God no matter how hard I tried. I prayed and tried to make a song come, but alas, there was nothing. This is where my decent into hell started. It took me about 10 years to recover and rediscover God. The God I discovered in these last few years is so loving, so kind, and I once again feel that closeness.

Ok, so here is my newest call to service. My call came during a song, go figure. As we sang “Available” by Elevation Worship, I could clearly hear that still small voice say, “tell your story and glorify me through your morning songs”. My daily bread is My Daily Song!

I don’t believe this will be my last service call to the Master and this one might not even last very long. Something tells me that there are people out there like me, that hear God through music. I once again wake up with a song nearly every morning and pray that song over my friends and family. God speaks to me as we walk this journey through those songs. I am going to start blogging about my morning songs and what God is impressing on me, then share those with you. Some of them may speak to you and some you may say, “how did she hear that in this song?”

I encourage you to walk with me on my journey in the comments and sharing your experiences with me. We are all in this together and the journey begins with one step, a step of faith. So, here’s my step of faith and service.

Narrow as the road may seem
I’ll follow where your spirit leads
Broken as my life may be
I will give You every piece I hear You call
I am available
I say yes Lord
I am available Here I am with open hands
Counting on Your grace again
Less of me and more of You
I just wanna see You move I hear You call
I am available
I say yes Lord
I am available Here I am, here I am
You can have it all
You can have it all
Here I am, here I am
You can have it all
You can have it all For the one who gave me life
Nothing is a sacrifice
Use me how you want to God
Have your throne within my heart